I believe that this is a time God intends for us to grow and mature in, rather than just make it through by the skin of our teeth. As we’ve all heard a million times in recent days, “to thrive instead of just survive”. When Adam was in the garden, communing directly with the Lord of Creation, there was unspeakable peace, joy, love, gratitude and contentment in the abiding. No striving, tireless scheduling, earning, seeking validation....just being.

We were careful. We washed our hands. We didn’t leave the house except for groceries and exercise, and when we did, kept our socially responsible distance. Yet, Easter weekend arrived, and my wife Angie woke up with pretty obvious COVID-like symptoms. I myself have had some very minor symptoms, but nothing compared to what Ang was dealing with, which literally kept her asleep on the couch most of Saturday and Sunday.

The road lines blur through a thick veil of tears as I’m merging onto the on-ramp and let God have it. “There’s no way in Hell this is good, God!” My screams are swallowed up by the ambient sounds of the near-empty freeway and my tears hidden by the blackness of the night. Words not typically in my vocabulary reverberate off the windshield and echo in my mind. I’m not generally an angry man, but tonight I am. Anger and hurt are pouring out of me at decibels I have seldom reached. How could a God, who is supposed to want my good, allow such pain? How could the one who said He’d carry me, seemingly let me fall so hard?

Do you ever ask God for a crystal ball that shows you your future? Just a small glimpse of ten years out to know that your marriage will be okay, your kids will be safe, and/or your life has not crumbled into a million pieces? I prayed for a look into my future when Jesse and I were trying to get pregnant. We had been trying for six months and I was starting to get worried about our ability to conceive for a second time. God answered my prayer. He gave me a dream. I dreamt that I was pregnant, and that I had cancer.